Saturday, August 27, 2005

PFLUP

I’ve been long confused about why the Upper Peninsula (UP) belongs to Michigan and not Wisconsin. The UP is territorially contiguous with Wisconsin and therefore it should belong to us. I think it’s time we liberate that which is rightfully ours by any means necessary, including armed struggle. That is why I am forming a brand new terrorist group: the Popular Front for the Liberation of the Upper Peninsula (PFLUP). The goal of the PFLUP is to unite the occupied UP with Wisconsin.

The following are the Fifteen Principles of the PFLUP. Every PFLUP member must pledge allegiance to the the Principles.

1. Wisconsin and the UP represent an indivisible territorial unit.

2. The People of Wisconsin possess the legal right to the UP and have the right to determine the destiny of the said territory in accordance with their wishes and entirely of their own accord.

3. The UP is a genuine, essential, and inherent part of Wisconsinite identity; it is transmitted from parents to children. The Michigan occupation of the UP does not negate Wisconsinite attachment in anyway to its beloved UP.

4. Michigan residents who reside in the UP will be considered Wisconsinites upon unification.

5. The UP and Wisconsin share an ancient material, spiritual, and historical connection—this is indisputable. All means of information and education must be adopted in order to acquaint the Wisconsin resident with the UP in the most profound manner. He must be prepared for the armed struggle and be ready to sacrifice his wealth, children, and life in order to liberate the long-suffering UP and reunite it with its Mother-state, Wisconsin.

6. Armed struggle is the only way to liberate the UP. That is the PFLUP’s overall strategy, not merely a tactical phase. The people of Wisconsin assert their absolute determination and firm resolution to use armed struggle for the sake of the UP and its eventual unification with Wisconsin.

7. Commando action constitutes the nucleus of the Wisconsinite popular liberation war for the UP. This requires its escalation, comprehensiveness, and the mobilization of all Wisconsin popular and educational efforts and their organization and involvement in the armed struggle for the UP. This requires achieving unity among all Wisconsin residents, whether from Milwaukee County, Dane County, Iron County, etc. All of Wisconsin must unify and mobilize to liberate our beloved UP.

8. Wisconsinites will have three mottos: State unity, county-wide mobilization, and liberation for the sake of the UP.

9. The people of Wisconsin believe in American unity. We call upon all of the States of the union to help us crush Michigan and hasten the unification of Wisconsin and the UP.

10. The inclusion of the UP as a part of the state of Michigan in 1837 was entirely illegal. Regardless of the passage of time, the UP will always belong to Wisconsin, even though Wisconsin did not become a state until 1848.

11. The People of Wisconsin reject all solutions which are substitutes for the total liberation of the UP and its unification with Wisconsin.

12. The Michigan occupation of the UP is organically associated with international imperialism and antagonistic to all action for liberation and to progressive movements in the world. It is racist and fanatic in its nature, aggressive, expansionist, and colonial in its aims, and fascist in its methods. The people of Wisconsin look for the support of all the progressive and peaceful forces and urge them all, irrespective of their affiliations and beliefs, to offer Wisconsinites all aid and support in their just struggle for the liberation of the UP.

13. The demand of security and peace, as well as the demand of right and justice, require all States in the Union to consider Michigan’s occupation of the UP as illegitimate.

14. The people of Wisconsin believe in the principles of justice, freedom, sovereignty, self-determination, human dignity, and in the right of all peoples to exercise them.

15. For the realization of the goals of this Charter and its principles, the Popular Front for the Liberation of the Upper Peninsula will perform its role in the liberation of the UP in accordance with the Constitution of this Organization.

Failure to pledge allegiance to the Principles will result in summary execution.

Death to Michigan!

4 Comments:

Blogger airforcewife said...

Okay, here's the final test question as to where the UP belongs... Do they eat lutefisk there?

Yeah, I know, that is mainly a Minnesotan phenomenon... But I know a lot of transience occurs between Wisconsin and Minnesota.

If they DO eat it - hands down you should go ahead with your evil plans.

You should add one with sharks and laser beams on their heads.

6:35 PM  
Blogger semite1973 said...

Perhaps I should add a 16th Principle.

Consumption of lukefish or any other food has nothing to do with occupied Upper Peninsula or who it may or may not belong to. Those who claim that lukefish consumption connects the UP to Michigan aim to sow divisions between Wisconsin citiznes, on the one hand, and those living in brotherly UP under cruel Michigan occupation, on the other. The PFLUP rejects all false culinary divisions between Wisconsin residents and UP residents.

7:14 PM  
Blogger FASTAC_6 said...

Why would anyone in their right mind WANT to live behind the Cheddar Curtain?
UP INDEPENDENCE NOW!

1:17 PM  
Blogger semite1973 said...

Cheddar Curtain--I love it! But independence is NOT an option. The UP MUST be united with Wisconsin.

I look forward to the day when we can bring good Wisconsin Cheese and beer to our oppressed brethren in the UP.

Death to Michigan!

6:24 PM  

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