How Conspiracy Theorists Interpret The Headlines

Be forewarned: This is totally stupid:

Blair's rating as leader soars since bombings
Ahh, we must consider who these bombings benefit—they benefit Blair. Therefore, he must be responsible. Obviously Tony Blair has used the British secret services to commit these bombings in order to get better ratings.

U.S. heat wave drives up ice cream sales
Again, it is obvious who is behind the heat wave: the corporate ice cream industry. They will do anything to increase sales.

'Ghetto Talent Show,' Watermelon Eating Contest Outrages Community
Who wins? Who comes out on top? Yes, the watermelon industry. They will stop at nothing to sell their delicious, succulent product—even if it conjures up painful memories for some Black people.

Elizabeth Smart's alleged kidnapper found mentally incompetent...
Is it just a coincidence that Elizabeth SMART’s alleged kidnapper is MENTALLY INCOMPETENT? Get it … Smart … Incompetent … anybody, anybody? … Bueller, Bueller …?

Shuttle Roars Into Space in First Mission in More Than 2 Years
Clearly NASA is in on this one. Humph.

Man Who Killed Dutch Filmmaker Gets Life Sentence
Nobody heard of Theo van Gogh until he was murdered by Muhammad Bouyeri. Since his death, however, van Gogh has become well-known, and more and more people have watched his films. Clearly, his murder benefited his popularity. Obviously he was behind his own brutal murder. How can people be so blind?