Monday, December 05, 2005

Goals this week and other thoughts

1. To meet a Latina who isn't named "Maria."

2. To meet a Black man who plays hockey.

3. To meet somebody who is "scared fucking shitless of God." I mean, we always hear about this whole "God fearing" thing. Is that what God wants, for us to be afraid of Him? Does God want people cowering under the covers shivering out of fear of Him? Does that make God happy? And what does that say about God? If I was all powerful and I got my kicks out of scaring the living fucking shit out of mere mortals, wouldn't that make me some sort of perverted, sadistic Being? If that's the nature of God, then He can stick his antropomorphic thumb up His anthropormorphic ass and take a big whiff of his anthropomorphically stinky digit. And if writing this stuff condemns me to hell, then how can it be that I, a mere mortal, have a better sense of humor than God, who I imagine created humor and irony? How can I believe in a God who is decribed in the Holy books as nothing more than a jealous, immature child, albeit one who can destroy civilizations whenever his stupid little sea monkeys (Humanity) don't do what He wants? What kind of a sick fucker is He, assuming man-made scriptures are accurate? No wonder I'm agnostic. I'm not saying I don't believe in a Higher Power, I just don't happen to think this God-thing intended us to act like a bunch of snivilling sycophants.

Hmmm... what to experience this week...

4. My brother doing the dishes and sweeping the floor.

5. Watching an Arab (it's gotta be a Muslim) standup comedian on TV. I mean, you gotta admit that within the Semitic family, the Jews clearly have the better sense of humor. I just looked at a picture the other day on the Internet of an Arab holding aloft a severed head and he was SMILING (the Arab, not the severed head; the severed head didn't look too happy). Ha ha, pretty funny stuff there, Ahmed. Try doing that one on Comedy Central!

6. To meet a girl who is the same person that I thought I met even after the three month "ga-ga" stage is over, not the "actress" who was on her best behavior. To meet somebody who cares about me as much as I care about her, not somebody who will emotionally turn off and never explain why; only to later throw me enough scraps and hints to make me feel like there was still a chance, to keep my sorry ass hanging on. More specifically, it would be nice to meet the type of person who can actually consider how her selfish actions might affect other people. I suppose somebody who is not completely self-centered and self-serving. I'd like to meet the type of girl who wouldn't lead a guy on who still has strong feelings for her (especially when she is aware of this), only to invite him out to dinner so as to inform him that she got KNOCKED UP by some random dude!

7. I hope this week, or in the future, I'll be a bit more wary about who I date and fall for. I won't allow this last episode to poison my trust in other people, because I know there are truly wonderful people out there, but I will be on guard just a bit more. I suppose that is the only thing I have to be thankful for regarding the pregnant one above; that I've learned to be a little more emotionally guarded, and not believe in "the one" or any other silly romantic ideal. For her, who knows? She happens to be financially broke as far as I know, unmarried and not likely to be; there probably won't be a man to be with her every night of her pregnancy, a man to experience the joy of a baby conceived of love, to rub her belly and be with her every night and on the weekends. She is in the middle of an intense academic program, and she's struggling. It will be harder to succeed while preggers, no? If she flunks out she'll be left with a huge debt and no degree. Just a crying baby in her cramped apartment. Maybe with her beautiful watery blue eyes and tears she'll be able to manipulate another man to help her. Her mom probably won't, because she's a Christian fanatic and probably thinks her daughter is going to hell. Her dad is somewhat of a dead-beat and already has a young kid of his own from a woman he knocked up not too long ago. Runs in the family I reckon. If the father of the child doesn't really step up to the plate, this girl is in for a some tough times. Life's a bitch and she better hope she can avoid post partum depression on top of it all. GOOD LUCK!

4. To forget the above and move on to a bright future! Second semester, here I come!


Blogger airforcewife said...

Hm, well, can't give much of anything on most of this... I will say tummy rubs while pregnant are nice. And helpful.

Never had post-partum depression, I was so happy to not be pregnant anymore. Had #2 while in my last year of college...

But, I do think that "God-fearing" doesn't mean that someone should be drop dead afraid of a capricious God who smites for comedic pleasure; but afraid in the same way that we are afraid of our parents (mixed in with love, of course). We don't want to displease our parents, their disapproval makes us sad and uncomfortable. And worse than the yelling at us is if they were to turn away from us.

I could be wrong, however. It's been known to happen.

9:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. Difficult
2. Impossible
3. I reckon humanity has gotten off pretty lightly thus far: I am amazed at God's patience and forgiveness.
4. No comment.
5. Forget it!
6. Does this chick's name begin with C...
7....and end in E?


10:01 AM  
Blogger semite1973 said...

Ryan, you have been there for me from the start, just like I was there with you when you had your A-to the Ea mixed in with an adorable Pietra episode. That is why even though we have never met, and even though we have very different view regarding religion, etc., I still feel like I have a stronger connection to you than many people on the plant. Thanks for always being there for me, even if from afar. It won't be too long before we share some pints and laughs and deep conversations, mate.

7:32 PM  
Blogger semite1973 said...

AFM and Ryan, I know I am A) a Jew and B) a skeptical agnostic, but what I love about the both of you is how we still all connect. I could be wrong. It wouldn't be the first time. Either way, thanks for not being offended by what I write; and I think I know that you realize a lot of what I say is out of frustration: my secular, skeptical way of screaming to God. The difference is you two are much more confident about what God is, what it wants, and what we should do.

But me, I am a son of Israel. It is my destiny to "wrestle with God."

7:34 PM  
Blogger airforcewife said...

zak, it took me a long time to get there. And, funny enough, it was only by studying Judaism that I finally "got it." Or, got my version, anyway.

When I found the Jewish studies of the bible, and the history and culture surrounding it, it was like coming home to my Grandfather's house and curling up on a big comfy chair and feeling totally "right."

I have a wry smile remembering that it was people like you, who struggle with God and religion but yet still exhibit the most important things the bible teaches us every day in your lives, that show me God at work more than anyone standing on street corners and hitting people with their New Testaments to heal them.

6:12 AM  
Blogger semite1973 said...

Thanks AFW. Perhaps I have to start reevaluating things... I just hope God has a sense of humor, otherwise I'm fucked.

6:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, the Devil may have invented rock'n'roll...but God invented SEX.

10:13 AM  
Blogger semite1973 said...

Who invented drugs?

6:10 PM  

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