Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Oh Milk!

Every once in awhile I am compelled to write terrible poetry. Enjoy:

A cry for milk

After eating cookies,
Cry for milk

After eating chocolate cake,
I cry for milk

And pancakes, too
They make me,
Cry for milk

We are mammals,
We cry for milk

As babies,
We cry for milk

But vegans,
They don’t cry for milk

How can you eat cereal?
And not cry for milk?

Oh Vegan! Are you not human?
Does your mouth not cry out for ice cold milk,
After eating P.B. & J?

“But we have silk!”
The vegans retort

To that I reply:
Silk ain’t milk
You are not higher than a mammal

And I ask you, oh Vegan:
What about cheese?
Cheese from silk?

Surely you jest,
You can’t make real cheese
Without real milk

A life without milk,
Is a life half lived.


Sunday, October 29, 2006

Extreme Makeover Home Edition: Hezbollah style


When the recent Israeli-Hezbollah war ended, the United Nations' newly organized human rights council, pressed by its Islamic members, spent its first two sessions criticizing Israel for allegedly causing heavy civilian casualties. But details are now known of a secret Hezbollah operation, mounted long before the war and focused, in violation of international law, on putting civilians at risk, that significantly contributed to this toll once the fighting began…. Long before hostilities erupted on July 12, Hezbollah construction teams had gone out and modified numerous Lebanese homes. Sometimes with, but most the time without, the homeowner's permission, workers began adding on a large, single-function room. These rooms were unique for, when completed, they lacked an essential element of all rooms -- a door. Each room was sealed shut -- but only, and immediately, after an object was placed inside.

Graven Images

Yo!—what’s the deal with certain religious monotheists and their irrational fear of graven images?

According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, a graven image is “an object of worship carved usually from wood or stone.”

Paintings, drawings and photographs are also deemed to be graven images if they exhibit a human being, or even an animal.

So, let me try to break down the reasoning: Because monotheists worship a completely non-anthropomorphic God, it’s deemed blasphemous to proscribe any anthropomorphic qualities to a graven image. As a result, some people take this idea to its irrational, illogical conclusion and shun many great works of art and even photographs. Are these people afraid they might accidentally worship Mona Lisa? Is their faith in an omnipresent God that weak? Or do they fear their omniscient God might misinterpret their appreciation of art as an act of worship and then punish them? If God knows all, He would know the difference between somebody appreciating art and worshiping a graven image.

The injunction against graven images, or rather the irrational lengths to which some believers take it, is really… stupid.

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